The Divorce

Growing up in upstate New York, with an uncle who went to Syracuse, I had two basketball loves as a child. The Knicks and the Orangemen. Although both broke my heart repeatedly, I would go outside and, emulating them, miss the game-winning shot--only to be fouled and if I missed the free throw, What? Another lane violation on Bill Wennington?--with Lawrence Moten, Xavier McDaniel, Hubert Davis, and my two favorite teammates, PATRICK Ewing--announced like the PA announcer from the Garden--and John Wallace. When John Wallace got drafted by the Knicks, it was like learning about the reese's cup vanilla ice cream blizzard; these things can go together?

I still remember, not being allowed tv as a youngster, shooting koosh balls at my nerf hoop in my room as Walt Frazier described John Starks, Doc Rivers, Greg Anthony or Derek Harper swishing and dishing on the baseline to the Oakman, to the ugliest man alive, the freight train Anthony Mason or for a Rolando Blackman dunk. I remember skipping family outings to watch Derrick Coleman or Billy Owens take on the hated Huskies of UConn.

I've defended the 2-3 zone to the death. John Starks dunk over Horace Grant and Jordan (okay, not really Jordan) is the greatest in-game dunk of all-time. Still. I've worn high socks for Moten throughout my playing days. Hubert Davis was fouled by Scottie Pippen. And, if not, whatever, Jordan got away with murder. Otis Hill should've been drafted. The handcheck rule put in by the NBA because the 90's Knicks were ruining basketball was bullshit. The Knicks weren't thugs, they were finding a way to win within the rules-personal aside, I don't know whether I was picked by my favorite teams or I was attracted to guys who seemed to, I wouldn't use the word cheat, but found all the allowed advantages within the rules. I loved Ricky Henderson's so crouched batting stance that he had a miniscule strike zone, I loved the way the Knicks beat up their opponents, I like the part of sports that are non-robotic. It's why I liked Agassi more than Sampras, why I liked the shoot-from-the-hip Tiger Woods much more than this new doesn't pull out the driver if he doesn't need it Tiger, why I actually rooted for Jordan over the pick-n-roll, pick-n-roll Stockton and Malone. I like Sneaky. But, I LOVED THE SCOTTIE PIPPEN CLOTHESLINE.

I hate Charles Smith.

I could go on and on but here's where this is going. When Melo won the Syracuse championship as a freshman over my least favorite team, Kansas coached by my least favorite coach Roy Williams, it was the first championship a team I cared about won. And, yes, in order, for most of my life, my favorite teams would probably go:
1. Jets
2. Knicks
3. Indians
4. Syracuse basketball

But, they still made the list. Gerry Mac and Warrick were great but I swore I'd buy a Melo jersey for whatever team he got drafted. It was the Nuggets and I bought a powder blue Nuggets Melo jersey that despite being scrawny I wore on occasion.

I'm not the most faithful fan. I admit that. It's one of my shortcomings as a human being. Maybe it's because all my teams always lose and I like to have someone to root for but I have a couple other teams that I've been known to sleep with for a post-season or whatever. Unfortunately, these teams usually suck too. For instance, in the NFL, my #2 is the Bengals (cause of the helmets). When the Jets are out of it, I root for the Bengals, I used to root for the Oilers and the Bills. Basically, the NFC won every Super Bowl while I was alive and I rooted for the AFC every year up until that point. And, that year, Elway was in the Super Bowl so I probably rooted against him. I think the only team I actually kind of liked that has won a Super Bowl in my lifetime was, actually, I've hated all of them. In college basketball, my great-uncle from Arizona, the infamous Uncle Izzy would send me newspaper clippings about Mike Bibby starting when Bibby was a freshman in high school so I cheated on the 'Cuse a little when Bibby was at Arizona. And, I'll admit it, I fell for Duke a bit when I was at some family event with some guy from American Express who's daughter is named Madison and I snuck away and BAM, the Laettner shot. In baseball, I'm the least faithful. See, I LOVE the National League and all it stands for (Of course, I don't like the Cardinals but alas.). So, I root for the Indians in the AL and I root for the Dodgers, Cubbies and Mets in the NL. And, of course, anyone playing the Yankees. Really, the problem is, I've been playing fantasy sports since I was eight and they have ruined me a bit-not that I would trade it for the world-but I would probably rather see the Broz Boyz win my NL-only auction league than the Indians win the World Series. The only team this doesn't apply to is the Jets. I would take a J-E-T-S Super Bowl victory over time travel.

So, where am I going with this? Well, after the Ewing era, after the loss to the Spurs in the 2nd post-Jordan finals--the final game, game 5, which I attended courtside, then went to dinner at a 10,000 dollar a pop champagne French restaurant where I sat next to and chatted up a Swedish jeans model for two hours and couldn't have cared less that the Knicks had lost--my relationship with the Knicks began to fade. As the story shows, girls were becoming more important and I wasn't willing to sit in the same uncomfortable position for an hour because when I switched to it, Oakley had hit a flat-footed jumpshot, stolen the inbounds and hit another one. Basically, like any relationship, we were headed from a peak to a valley. But, I'm no fair-weather fan. I've stuck with the Jets through the Rich Kotite era. Through everything. I bleed green. But, the Jets have never EVER reached this much of a low. Even during the aforementioned 4-28 Kotite era, we were gathering draft picks, we got Keyshawn. It was only two years.

But, the Knicks, oh, the Knicks, maybe it's because I play fantasy sports, because I've wanted to be a baseball GM or basketball GM for as long as I've wanted to be the shortstop or point guard but I can't take the Knicks any more. See, I thought Scott Layden was the worst GM ever, I actually investigated to see if he had a vendetta against the Knicks. Was it on purpose? Every move he made was the wrong one. It's one thing to have a long-term plan, another to have a short-term plan but to consistently hinder both the long-term and short-term progress is inexplicable. I've explained before the problem with the goal being "Just making the playoffs," because missing this goal barely leaves you in that terrible no man's land where you won't get a high enough draft pick to get a difference maker, you don't make the playoffs, you're stuck in quicksand mediocrity. Then they fired Layden. Finally. Only to replace him with Isiah who has somehow been worse. Despite having an incredible nose for drafting talent, Zeke has made so many bad moves (culminating in the dumping of the Jalen Rose expiring a contract, a piece that may or may not have helped to bring in Iverson), it will go down in history as the most mismanaged franchise ever. The Knicks outspend everyone. By a lot. What people don't seem to realize is, they are like the Yankees when it comes to resources. But, somehow they've used those resources to be one of the three to four worst teams in the NBA. Can you imagine if the Yankees spent all that money and then were consistently worse than the Devil Rays? Not just once or twice but for a whole decade? The "Just make the playoffs" mantra has gotten so bad, it's made me despise that #8 seeded Knicks team that made the Finals. For, maybe, if they lose 1st round, we wouldn't have to hear "If you make the playoffs anything can happen" bullshit that Thomas continues to spew.

There has only been one team that I have divorced. When people ask how I became an Indians fan-a fair question considering I'm from New York where two teams reside-I always tell the "Worst team money could buy" story about the 1992 Mets. I talk about the drug problems and about how Vince Coleman once threw firecrackers at little kids. About the awful Bobby Bonilla. About how, I decided as an 8-9 year-old that I couldn't root for these guys anymore. Forced to pick a team, and already hating the Yankees, this also happened to be the first year I played fantasy baseball with my dad. We happened to pick Kenny Lofton and Albert Belle. I decided to go with the Indians, who in 1992 showed promise but it wasn't like jumping on a bandwagon. The Indians would go on to break my World Series heart twice, my infatuation with Kenny Lofton hit heights never before seen (including the notable magic marker "Lofton 7" on my little league jersey) and I would end up defending Chief Wahoo to my 1/32nd Native American history teacher Mr. Wilkerson.

So, how come, if at age 8-9, I was smart enough to divorce a team because they reached such a low am I too dumb to do so now? The 1992 Mets, as it turns out, weren't the worst team money could buy. Nope, that title has been snatched from them by the unfathomably bad Knicks. Over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. How come sports teams are different? Why am I only a true fan if I love the Knicks no matter what? When people ask me who my team is in basketball, I used to say "THE KNICKS," then, "the knicks," then "i guess the knicks" now, "i hate the knicks but technically they're my team."

I just don't love them any more. I'm sorry. We had some good times. But, I'm sorry Knickerbockers. It's over. For the past three years, I've been cheating on you with the Nuggets. And, the Suns. And, since Darko went to the Magic, I've been rooting for them too. It's just that I hate every Knick besides Lee, who I don't hate but don't like, Robinson for his dunk over Spike Lee and not much else. See, most Knick fans are rooting against the Knicks because they want Isiah to be fired but, thanks to the Eddie Curry trade, I don't even see the point in that. We can't have a higher pick than the Bulls this year so in the deepest draft ever, we don't even get rewarded for our losing. I can't take it any more.

I have a theory in basketball. Only franchise guys can win championships. Besides the Pistons of two years ago, since 1991--when I began having formative thoughts about the NBA--only franchise guys have won. Jordan, Hakeem, Jordan, Duncan, Shaq/Kobe, Duncan, Pistons, Duncan, Wade. Free agency can help you find that last piece but you really have to get lucky in the draft. With the exception of Nash, no NBA team has entered elite status without finding at least one franchise guy in the draft.

Elite teams/teams I think have a chance:
WEST:
San Antonio: Duncan (Manu and Parker were also drafted)
Dallas: Dirk (Howard was also drafted)
Phoenix: Nash/Amare/Marion (Only Nash was a free agent)
Houston: Yao (McGrady was a great pickup in a trade but Yao is the monster in the middle)
LA: Kobe
Other: Brand (drafted) Utah (don't believe it)

EAST:
Cleveland: LeBron
Miami: Wade
Detroit: The Exception
Orlando: Howard
Chicago: Heinrich, Deng, Nocioni (drafted)

So, when five years ago, as the Knicks were sacrificing more and more of their future so they could suck in the present, Kiki Vandeweghe stood up in front of the Nugget faithful explaining why he was going to blowup the team, I had never respected a GM more. The Knicks have been needing to blow it up since 1998. In order to win a championship in the NBA, you almost always need a top five pick and cap room for some complimentary pieces. The Nuggets did that. I loved it. They ended up with Carmelo, even better. And, now, they've added the final piece. Iverson. They're going to be fun to watch, they're going to compete for a championship and it's all because five years ago, Kiki decided to blow it up and start over. Of course, Kiki was fired for his actions because he made a couple mistakes along the way, the same reason GM's are terrified to go through this process, but for the next ten years the Nuggets will have a chance.

Here's an important excerpt from the Sam Walker, author of "Fantasyland" article on ESPN page 2.

What are your favorite lame song-and-dance lines when explaining to non-fantasy players why fantasy baseball is actually cooler than they think it is?


This is not an argument you can win very often. I once tried to explain my book to the Slovenian guy at the deli where I get my egg sandwiches in the morning. He didn't get it. I think he still thinks that I actually played for the Yankees in 2004.


But if someone seems like they could be persuaded, I tell them this: fantasy baseball is The American Way. Think about it: baseball may be our national pastime, but it's a totalitarian state. The owners are basically dictators and there's an antitrust exemption that shields them from market forces.


Being a fan of one team alone is sort of like being a vassal. You buy the overpriced gear, you pay $50 for a ticket to the megapark and, if you're really a "true" fan, cheer your little heart out no matter how many rockhead moves the GM makes. Your team could trade Albert Pujols for a cocktail waitress and a 1982 Pontiac Fiero and there's not a thing you can do about it. In return for this blind fealty, you're given a 1-in-30 chance your team will finish the season a champion.


If you have a Roto team, none of this applies. You're an entrepreneur with full executive powers. If one of your outfielders is dogging it? Trade him. If your late-round pitching sleeper wins the Cy Young? Take all the credit for yourself. If you play in a traditional league, you have a 1-in-12 chance of winning the title. And you don't have to walk around in the same stupid Tigers jersey all summer (not that I've done this). So that's the best argument I can think of. Fantasy baseball is capitalism!


I have agreed with just about every move the Nuggets have made the past five years including them drafting my favorite player. I have disagreed with every move the Knicks have made over the past eight years, most notably, trading away their draft pick when Greg Oden and Kevin Durant (two of those potential franchise guys) are coming into the league. So, after all this, I hope you understand why I'm divorcing the Knicks. And, marrying the Nuggets. I hope this marriage lasts a lifetime.